#WeddingWellbeing: Confidence & Self-Esteem
When you imagine yourself about to step out in front of all your guests and future partner how does that make you feel? Excited or maybe like you want to vom? Perhaps a bit of both?
The thought of ‘all eyes on you’ can be petrifying. I’m often told by brides that they don’t feel confident enough to be the centre of attention all day long. In a coaching session this is where we’d dig a little deeper. Is it a lack of confidence to handle being in the spotlight or is it low self-esteem in general? Often it’s a bit of both but they’re not the same thing. Let me explain.
Self-confidence – how you feel about your abilities and how capable you are of handling a certain situation (planning a wedding, doing a speech, being the centre of attention etc)
Self-esteem – how you generally feel about yourself (often shaped by your past experiences)
It’s actually very possible to have high self-esteem but low confidence when it comes to being in the limelight, maybe because it’s just not your thing. The opposite is also possible. I want to share some tools that will help you no matter where you’re at. The below tips will hopefully be helpful for any bride-to-be as I don’t think it’s ever possible to look after your wedding wellbeing too much!
Working on your self-esteem as you approach your wedding day can only be a good thing. Here are some things that will help you do this:
Listen to Your Negative Self-Talk
We all have that little voice in our head that makes judgements, whether it’s about our appearance as we stand starkers in front of the mirror or about how we’re not good at this or not good at that. It’s so important to remember we are not our thoughts.
Write down these thoughts and then really confront them. I go into more depth on this method in a post I did for Psychologies magazine so have a read of that here. Get curious about the negative chatter and question if it’s even true. So often we’re our harshest critics and when we write down things or even say the thoughts out loud to someone we trust it gives us the opportunity to reframe the thought.
See Yourself Through the Eyes of Someone Who Loves You
We can be so mean about ourselves! You may look at a photo of yourself and be drawn to your “flaws” yet someone else looks at the photo and all they see is your beautiful smile. Stop reading right now and for just a few seconds think of someone who loves you. See yourself through their eyes. What do they adore about you? What makes them smile when they think of you?
Celebrate Yourself as You Are Right Now
Many brides are working towards getting themselves ‘wedding ready’ – whether that’s #sheddingforthewedding or getting a course of facials to get themselves clear skinned and glowing. There is no judgement on any of these things as who doesn’t want to look and feel their best on their wedding day?
Be careful though that your perception of yourself isn’t solely future focused. For example, ‘I will feel good about myself when I reach my target weight.’
Write down what you love about yourself right now. Not next week when you’ve lost 2 pounds, right now. Your kind heart, your caring nature, your incredible skin, your long and luscious lashes. Us women can spend far too long seeking our the “bad” stuff and forget to celebrate the good. Why not give the good stuff some of the limelight for a while?
Practising self-love by trying out some or all of the above will be a good foundation on the self-esteem front so here are a couple of confidence tricks that will help your wedding day confidence…
Visualise How You Want to Feel
Let’s say you’re stressing over everyone looking at you during the first dance. Visualise how you want to feel in this moment. For most, I would imagine the ideal scenario is to feel totally present with their partner without the internal dialogue about what everyone else may be thinking. Visualisation is one of my biggest wedding wellbeing tools and I’ve put together a free download which gives you a step-by-step guide on how to do it so you can get that here.
When visualising the moments that could potentially fill you with dread visualise the very best version of the scenario. Imagine yourself looking drop dead gorgeous, feeling a million dollars and visualise all those little details. What will be the expression on your guests’ faces? What will the venue look like/smell like? By imagining this scenario and visualising yourself feeling confident your brain thinks you’re already in the situation. By doing this you’ll be primed and ready for wedding day confidence.
Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
If you’re dreading being centre of attention it’s highly likely that your comfort zone consists of you blending into the background. If you know there are moments on your wedding day when you will be centre of attention it’s a good idea to start to see what life outside the comfort zone feels like. The hen do can be a great practise for this. When we get out of our comfort zone it gets easier and easier each time and before we know it our comfort zone has expanded and boom, you’re loving life in the limelight!
It’s important to remember as well that if you don’t want to be centre of attention make adaptions to the day so that this is minimised. Do what you can to feel good about yourself with no judgement on yourself for decisions you make. This is YOUR day and how you experience it is the most important thing.
As I always say, weddings shine a spotlight on things that may already be a challenge and if that’s self-esteem and confidence issues then maybe this is the ideal time to work on these things and not only experience your wedding in the best way possible but give yourself valuable tools to take with you into married life.
If you’re not already in The Mindful Bride Tribe Facebook Group come over and join the fun or get in touch with me directly if you feel you could do with some bridal coaching to make sure your wedding wellbeing is top notch come your wedding day!